{Fata Organa} A Series of Absurd Events

Holy shit, I've got a sign above me, one that I can't see but that everyone else can, that must scream I'm a sucker and you can treat me like shit and get away with it.

I started a job last Monday. Not even 10 minutes into the day, and I already could tell that accepting this offer was a mistake. Not like a typo mistake, but like you thought it was just a fart and it wasn't kind of mistake. 

I probably should have known this was going to be a bad idea when I got the call on a job listing I applied to last year. I probably should have suspected something was fishy when they brought me in for an interview and the job duties were vastly different from the ones in the job listing. Alas, it took me feeling shitty about being turned down for a PT job doing data entry that I knew would have been perfect for what I'm looking for right now, accepting the offer for this one, getting there 30 minutes before the boss ever showed up, not having anyone train me on anything that entire day, and finding out that they wanted someone to run the entire office, take care of their circulation (it's a newspaper), all their bills, move them to a different building across town (which is supposed to happen this Friday), clean up the offices, take the trash out, measuring the ads in the papers and inserts (I don't know why), ordering all their supplies (office or otherwise), handling the mailing of the papers every week, obituary's, birth announcements, and answer the phones and walk-ins by week's end. What I was told was that it was some phones, some walk-ins, mostly working with their circulation databases. I'm still in a state of feeling like this is some kind of really shitty prank that is going to end up with me kicking whoever orchestrated it in the nut sack because it was totally put together by someone with a nut sack.

I spent the good part of Tuesday and Wednesday waiting around outside the building because no one showed up before 9AM. My "boss" insulted me about my disabilities about 5 times in the first two days. She also mentioned, for no reason at all, about how the corporate office didn't want to hire me. But that isn't even the best part. On Tuesday, they got someone in to start training me on... stuff? I don't know. What we, and by that I mean me and the lady training me, found out was that they hadn't been paying any bills for who knows how long! Comcast actually told my "boss" that the bill hadn't be paid since February, which made me irritated that this business still had phones and internet because if that was a regular citizen, that shit would have been shut down after 3 days of not being paid.

BUT IT GOT BETTER. My "boss" wanted me to call Comcast and argue about this with them. And then call the real estate lady to ask if she had any suggestions for a moving company (because "boss" hadn't hired one yet) and if she was going to make sure a dumpster would be at the new office building*. After I finished making my way through what I guess could be called a filing system if you didn't give two shits about ever finding anything again, and maybe at the same time I shagged my ass over to Office Depot to buy boxes for everyone to put their stuff in because they also hadn't done that yet.


Suffice to day, this has done nothing for my TBI but take me right back to where I was when I was working for CPW that last year and a half. And I'm not at all happy about this. This is not the job I applied for, it's not the job I accepted, and it's not a job I would have applied for or accepted. I am not looking to be back to the cognitive struggle it was every day to work for CPW in 2016-17. I want to finish my BA and I need to (re)learn a second language to do that and hopefully go on to my Master's. I'm not going to be able to do that if all I can do when I get home is fall face down on my bed.

This was after my first day. They were not happy with me and barked at me until I went and hid in the bedroom with them.

I'm not sure what to do. I have an interview for a county job tomorrow afternoon, but I feel like it's about the same level of stress, cognitively, as this one is turning out to be. I'm still applying to jobs, but I'm not sure if I can keep working there while I apply for other jobs. I mean, are they even going to pay me for working? I feel like that's an honest concern. The "boss" had told this lady she would get paid cash same day for work, and that turned out to be a huge lie and I hated that it all unfolded in front of me. Granny told me I needed to quit, which was surprising since she seemed disappointed that I left CPW after all that baloney.

June's almost half over. I don't think I'd be able to get my house built by the end of the year even if I stayed and struggled with this job. They're not even paying me minimum wage. I really wish I had been able to be more successful at being an artist this past year. It just all makes me feel like a big failure and I'm disappointed with myself.

On the better side of this week, I discovered (or rediscovered, I'm not sure, thanks TBI) the band Ghost and bought all their albums and have been listening to those all week. I feel like I knew about this band before the car wreck and I just forgot about them because of the brain damage. Look at the picture. There's no way I didn't know about this band. Metal band with evil pope character lead singer, masks, skull face paint, they have a song that references the Malleus Malificarum and a Lucifer theme with theatrics. Come on. Someone was creating a metal band just for me with this. Anyhow. I dig the album art, too.

So, it looks like every album has a different character for the lead singer, and the album before the one that just came out had a serious vibe that I am all about:

The one for the newest album has a gross cop mustache and yeah. That just grosses me out. There are like three white guys on the entire planet who can pull off the mustache (Kurt Russell, Sam Elliott, and Tom Selleck). All other white guys with mustaches look like creepy cops. I guess even rubber masks of white guys with mustaches look like creepy cops, too*. Mustaches are just something white guys really need to think about before growing one out. With other facial hair, not as bad. Unless it's that weird little thumbprint of hair on the chin and that just screams "I'm an adult man who tries to pick up high school girls".

Mustaches. Seriously.

*SECOND TANGENT: It might also be that this mask is more obviously a mask and that, in combination with the gross mustache, is creating a really skivvy vibe. I can't imagine that wasn't intentional.

I really like those masks the rest of the band are wearing, though. That's my aesthetic on a massive scale. I want one.